Bringing on the rants...

So over the past, hmmm, 75 years or so, marriage has taken a drastic turn. There was a time when marriage was a sacred vow of uniting two people forever, or at least until one of the people "expired". People preach it was a different time, when marriage meant something and divorce wasnt an option, and people worked out their problems. Great. Living 'til you were 70 back then was barely an option either... Forever is a long time these days.
BUT at the same time, I do think marriage is something serious, I dont think people who have the right to get married take it seriously enough. People get married and divorced now, like fashions change, its almost fashionable to get divorced. But there are still people who arent even given the chance to get married, to share that sacred vow and be recognized as a married couple. So straight people can ruin the sanctity of marriage, via adultery, divorce, etc. yet gay people arent given the chance because somehow they will be the down fall of marriage? Um, what could we possibly do to make marriage any worse? I mean really?

What do you want?

So I was asked last night what it is that I want... (to put this in perspective, it was regarding my love life that this was asked) and this is what I came up with:
Someone mature but goofy. Someone who can laugh at and with me. Someone who can have an educated conversation. Someone who has their own friends but still loves to be around me. Someone who comprehends and finds sarcasm amusing. Someone with a job and a car. Someone who I can take care of. Someone who leaves me breathless.
I dont think Im asking for too much here am I? Is it silly to want those things? I want to see the person Im with and from across the room just smile knowing they are mine, and vice versa. I want to make someone happier than they've ever been, and as selfish as it might be, I want them to make me happy too.

Im going with the flow right now, Im not forcing anything, Im enjoying the people in my life, but I know what Im looking for, and I think Ill know it when I find it. I think you just know. I think you know immediately. As soon as your eyes meet... Then everything that happens from then on just proves that you have been right in that first moment. When you suddenly realize that you were incomplete and now you are whole...
Yup just waiting patiently for that...

angry bee

Predicament

I think Im heading down a road to get myself into quite the predicament. Im not sure what I want to do, nor am I ready to stop either of the things heading me toward said predicament.

In other news, people never cease to amaze me. How they can say one thing to you, and do something completely different, and then try to make excuses for it. I can never be faulted for things like that, Im just far too honest for that. Sometimes Im too blunt, sometimes I ask too many questions, sometimes I do hold back but thats more of a protection for me... Im not going to just walk into something and get myself hurt, ya know? But Im not going to tell someone one thing, and then do something different. Even if you have the perfect explanation, or reason, it makes people think less of you, you sort of end up looking like a liar, it breaks the trust barrier down, its just bad business.

In more random news, for the first time it seems like Im the good child at work. My boss is being super nice to me, while spreading her wrath on my co-workers... Its nice for a change, I know it wont last long, but really its nice.

So I have my first "official" date in a really long time tonight. The other night was called a date after the fact, but there is just way too much with that girl... tonights girl, although there is some luggage (the polite word for baggage) its not necessarily negative luggage, just luggage...
LL Cool B might be back, because I am so sick of girls games, that its time I take control and dont let anything matter...

peace out girlscout(ers)
angry bee

Happy Belated Easter to my Jesus loving peeps

Happy Belated Easter to my Jesus loving/fearing/Zombie hating friends...
I find that for a little while I had very little drama in my life, it was actually very nice.
The more lesbians in my life the more dramatic it becomes... Maybe thats why I used to date straight or bi girls, lol. But sometimes the girls who dont claim lesbian status are just as much drama if not more...
One of my friends told me I need to lower my standards, at first I was offended, but she continued with, "the hot girls in your life are CRAZY" haha, gotta love my friends.
There was a recent "discussion" between two people that I 'know', and I say 'know' because Im not sure how well I know either of them... But all along Ive been trying to understand the dynamic between the two of them, because one of them is constantly bringing up the other, and finally the shiteth hath hiteth the fan. Some people have suggested both the cause and effect need to be removed from my life, funny thing is, Im not sure I can determine which is which...
Some interesting thoughts were posed after the fact, of which I dont know the answers, nor do I understand... but oh well, if I was meant to, I would...

Whatever is meant to happen will happen (I figure if I keep telling myself things like that, Ill believe them), and sometimes people dont realize what they had a shot at til they dont have the shot anymore... and sometimes, when you lose what you thought you wanted, you realize something else had been there all along...

Peace out girl scout(ers)
angry bee

And so it goes...

My sense of humor can be described as dark, dry, witty, sarcastic, etc and lately Im finding that not a lot of people can actually handle it. And sometimes my "humor" cuts sharper than the sharpest of blades. I often dont intend to cause a wound with the things I say, but it happens. I find that my humor is more of a protection sometimes, then anything closely related to humor.
I think I messed up the potential for a decent friend, (although others dont think she would have been much of a friend and are glad she is gone, but thats neither here nor there) I just feel like something went wrong, and I dont know where it went that way...

In other news, have you ever said something because you thought it was safe to do. As in, you figured it would never happen, so you could absolutely say it. An example, telling someone you'd definitely go somewhere with them, knowing damn well they cant go, but then they take the day off and guess what, you're stuck going... Yeah I kind of said something, with the best of intentions and would make the person feel good, thinking that it would not actually happen so Id never really have to worry about it, well uht oh, its happening, and now I think Ive really stepped in it. See people this is why the angry bee doesnt do nice, cuz I do it wrong, and then get stuck in it...

Oh and on other random ranting news, my coworkers are worse than the gossipy annoying bitches in highschool. One of them tries to be friends with everyone, on top of complaining about everyone and getting them in trouble (you remember that girl in high school Im sure) well said girl decides that she is going to complain because Im friendly with people shes been trying to get in trouble. Um, hi they have no drama, you do. BYE to you, Hello to them.
Since Im not out at work, I told another coworker to just tell her Im sleeping with one of them since its a group of guys, I know they wouldnt care so maybe she will back off. Seriously its getting to be WAY TOO MUCH.

Alright kids, watch your back, watch your front, wave your hands high.

Peace out girl scout(ers)
angry bee

Ranting away

So Im ranting again, and Im going to sound like a hypocrite, and I feel kind of like a jerk, but truth be told I am a jerk so what does it matter...
I was kind of on this "get over yourself" thought about some people who are all "pity me, Ive been hurt" and BS like that, but then, over the weekend, some things came up about my ex, and I realized how not okay I am with that situation.
And its horrible to find out that the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with, that you were with for a good amount of time, lived together, vacationed together, incorporated into your family and vice versa, is not who you thought they were. Coming to learn that the person I loveD (past tense to be clear, since people keep asking) is a liar, is selfish and truly only cares about herself (I guess that is what selfish means, but I need to emphasize the point) is rather hurtful... And what does it say about me, knowing that I could love someone like that... She comes in and out of my life on her terms, reaking havoc as she comes, taking what she wants, and all the while claiming to be a good friend to me. Um, wtf?
So yeah, I guess I do understand the people who say they've been hurt before, and it really messed them up, BUT Im not going to let her rule my life, Im not going to let her be "happy" while I sit and suffer in the wake of her disaster...
Oh and for something fun, I just realized that I recieved the "Its not you, its me speech" and I didnt even realize it... It wasnt until they "broke some news" to me last night, that it officially registered that although they seemed like they were genuinely trying to tell me something last week, what they were really saying was "its not you its me" funny thing is, all I did was ask what was going on with us, because I didnt want to mistake it for something it was or was not.
And then there is the girl who seems genuinely interested, but is so busy that she ends up being very last minute with asking me to do things, and Im not the last minute type... Maybe I need to fix that?

Okay thats all for now,
Peace out girl scout(ers)
angry bee

Bringing on the rants...

Okay so here is my first real rant as requested...
I dont understand why there are certain people who think they've been hurt by love like no one before... Guess what, you arent special in that aspect. Everyone has had their heart broken, everyone hurts from someone or something. It would probably be more difficult to find someone who hasnt been hurt then to find someone that has. Dont get me wrong I do feel bad for people who are hurting, people who are messed up from their past relationships, but at the same time, I also know we've all been there, its just some people show it and some people dont.
And another thing, the people who make excuses for how their significant other treats them because of how they are hurting from something in the past, um what? Just because Sallys ex-girlfriend treated her badly does not excuse Sally when she treats you badly.
Now some might say its the pot calling the kettle black here because I was in no condition to offer love advice when the girl I thought was my forever and I broke up, in fact I passed up more than one excellent person. But there comes a time when you have to take control, stop the hurting and pity party, deal with the pain and move on because life will pass you by and its your own fault when that happens. And by moving on, I dont mean going back to something you knew because you think the past is easier than exploring something in the future.
I really think its time for people to suck it up, realize that the time is now, there is no time like the present, and all those other cliche statements, because before you know it, the only thing you have in your life is your pity me attitude and your complaints, and no one to listen to them...

peace out girlscout(er)s
angry bee